Building a strong relationship requires trust, respect, and support. Unfortunately, some partners may attempt to exert control, leading to imbalance and stress. This behavior can arise from insecurities, power dynamics, or psychological issues, manifesting as anything from subtle manipulation to outright dominance. Recently, a Reddit user reached out to the online community for advice about her husband’s unreasonable demands.
She wrote:
“This is the strangest thing my husband has ever done. He really is a sweet and loving partner, and I love him more than anything. My husband has always been a bit unconventional. He’s a computer programmer and very intelligent, but he also believes in a variety of things, both real and conspiratorial.
Recently, he has become extremely worried about the environment and global warming. About two months ago, he became particularly concerned about water—yes, water. He is focused on the quality of our water supply, and he installed a new filtration system in our home, which I actually appreciate because it tastes so much better.
However, he’s also worried about our water consumption—not due to cost, but for environmental reasons. He has implemented a new rule that we can only take two showers a week. I, on the other hand, like to shower every day before bed because I can’t stand the feeling of going to bed dirty.”
She continued, saying:
“This has caused the most conflict in our 20-year marriage. He has become obsessed with how much water we use. At first, I tried to ignore his rule, but he even started shutting off the hot water while I was in the shower. I attempted to use the showers at the gym, but with kids, that just became too much hassle. I honestly thought he would get over this within a month, but he is still fixated on it to this day.
Last night, I really needed a shower, but I had ‘hit my quota,’ as he puts it. I told him I was going to shower and warned him not to interfere. But about two minutes in, he turned off the hot water. I quickly grabbed my towel, went downstairs, and started yelling at him, telling him this was the dumbest thing he’s ever done. I even said I would move in with my parents if he didn’t stop this.
I feel trapped now, as I truly love this man. He means everything to me, but I can’t handle this situation anymore. Am I overreacting by threatening to move out?”
People reacted critically, offering various suggestions for potential solutions.
There are 300 million Americans, so one family trying to save water won’t make a significant impact. Your husband should consider seeking therapy for this issue. You should feel free to take a shower every day. © FuzzyHero69 / Reddit
It’s ridiculous that he thinks he can control when his adult wife showers. Sure, he can advocate for his beliefs, but it’s astonishing that this conflict has arisen. I’ve experienced someone trying to dictate my showering schedule—though not a romantic partner—and that kind of behavior is incredibly controlling. © joshtheadmin / Reddit
Since your husband is a computer programmer and very intelligent, maybe you can ask him if he understands that water usage during showers is basically a zero-sum game. In other words, you’re not actually “destroying” water—you’re simply cleaning yourself, and that dirty water goes through the city’s filtration system and returns to the water supply without loss. Sure, there will be some evaporation, but that’s just returning water to nature, which eventually leads to rain replenishing the original source. Skipping showers won’t actually save any water.
He won’t allow you to? “Thanks for your opinion, but I’m taking a shower.” “Also, sweetheart, you’ve reached your limit on telling me what to do.” “If you turn off the hot water again, there will be consequences.” If he’s genuinely worried about water usage, suggest placing a large bucket in the shower to collect the runoff while the water warms up. You can use that water for the plants. Remember, you are an equal partner in your marriage. I recommend he consider therapy to address his increasingly concerning behavior; it sounds like his anxiety is getting the better of him.
Marriages can have their ups and downs, and sometimes conflicts can be worsened by the involvement of other family members, like a mother-in-law. Open communication and discussion are essential for maintaining harmony within the family and addressing any issues that come up.
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