“It’s truly inspiring to witness women uplifting one another, whether it’s a friend helping another friend or a stranger offering support to someone she doesn’t know. In this article, a woman discreetly left a letter for her ex-boyfriend’s future girlfriend, providing a heads-up about what to expect based on her own experiences. This poignant example of solidarity was shared on Reddit by the new girlfriend, who received a wave of supportive messages and opinions from the online community.
She wrote:
“My boyfriend Steve (30M) and I (28F) have been together for two years and have been living together for eight months. While I was cleaning our apartment, I stumbled upon a note hidden in the back of a cabinet that read:
‘Dear Steve’s Future Girlfriend,
I know it’s you reading this because he’d never clean back here. I’m leaving him soon and want to warn you about him:
- He will not clean;
- He will not listen;
- He will make everything feel like it’s your fault;
It’s not your fault; he’s just an incompetent man. I’m leaving him, and I suggest you do the same.
Best wishes, Natalia.'”
She added:
“I read the note and decided to show it to him to hear his response. He immediately tore it up and insisted that I shouldn’t listen to it, claiming she was crazy and untrustworthy. I pointed out that the fact he hadn’t discovered the note in the five years since their breakup was a red flag, indicating he never cleaned back there and that his cleaning habits had declined since I moved in.
He argued that this was just his ex trying to manipulate him and ruin his life, and he accused me of letting it work. We continued to argue along those lines, and eventually, I left to spend the night at a friend’s place.
Steve has been a great boyfriend overall. He gets along well with my family, has given me thoughtful gifts and flowers, and frequently expresses his love for me. While he’s not wrong that the cleaning issue hasn’t been raised before, the note made me realize it had been diminishing and that we needed to have a serious conversation about it.”
She continued:
“Afterwards, he texted me, apologizing for my feelings but asserting that it was a mistake for me to take a note over our two-year relationship and to leave him and our pets behind. I’m feeling confused and unsure of what to believe right now. I’m even considering reaching out to Natalia.
Steve insists that I should return home and let the matter go, claiming that his past shouldn’t affect our future. He portrays his ex as manipulative and petty throughout their relationship, but I’m uncertain about what to trust.
When we moved in together eight months ago, the cleaning was split evenly. Since then, he has been doing less and less. I now find myself reminding him to do simple tasks, like putting his plates in the sink or taking out the trash, which I didn’t have to do before. The dishes pile up unless I intervene, to the point where leftover food has started to mold on the plates.”
She elaborated:
“I’m not a confrontational person, so I’ve just been asking him to address it when the issue arises. The note prompted me to reflect more deeply and attempt to have a genuine conversation, but I felt unheard when I tried to discuss it with him.
I attempted to use the note as a starting point for our conversation about cleaning, but he became fixated on the fact that I was listening to his ex instead of him, which prevented him from acknowledging my valid concerns. He believes I’m allowing the note to create a ‘confirmation bias,’ meaning that no matter what he says, I’ll think he’s in the wrong.
Also, I didn’t leave him for good; this all transpired yesterday, and I only spent one night at a friend’s because I felt our conversation was going nowhere, and he wouldn’t let me sleep until I agreed to let it go. I plan to return today, and I wanted to gather advice and feedback before I do.”
Other Reddit users chimed in, offering their insights and advice.
It’s almost ironic how easily he could have defused the entire situation with a simple response: ‘Hmm, you’re right; I’ll make sure to clean more.’ That would have immediately addressed points two and three.
Instead, he’d rather be right and play the victim. You didn’t do anything wrong by trying to have a conversation prompted by that note. His reaction says it all. © Mobius_Stripping / Reddit
“Don’t expect to change a man unless he’s in diapers.” This behavior will likely persist; he’s gotten away with it before. He wants someone to pick up after him like his mother did.
Any time a guy says, “My ex is/was crazy,” that’s a HUGE red flag. It’s a common tactic to belittle former partners. He’ll likely say the same about you to his next girlfriend. You need to ask yourself, “Was she really crazy, or did he drive her to that point with his behavior and laziness?”
Consider leaving your own note when you eventually break up with him. And reach out to his ex to hear her side. © Equal-Brilliant2640 / Reddit
It seems everything Natalia warned you about in her note has come to pass. He hasn’t cleaned there, he hasn’t listened to your concerns, and he’s turned the situation back on you, making it your fault. That’s a red flag, to be honest. © gem1n-eye / Reddit
It appears that Natalia’s insights were spot on. The only defense he has is to label her as ‘crazy,’ which suggests that if you break up with him, he’ll say the same about you to his next girlfriend. If you decide to leave him, consider writing a note for his future partner, adding: “4. He will tell you all his exes were crazy and will include you on that list when you leave.” © Princess-Pancake-97 / Reddit
Well, he’s not cleaning, he’s not listening to you, and he’s making it seem like it’s your fault for ‘trusting a note over him.’ It seems the ex’s assessment might be accurate. He doesn’t appear open to discussing his poor housekeeping, and honestly, I don’t think you’ll be able to address it now without the note being brought up again.
Ultimately, it’s your decision whether you can tolerate this situation. It seems he hasn’t learned anything from his last relationship. © VonBoo / Reddit”
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