The ‘Middle Wife’ STORY OF THE DAY.!

YOU MAY HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE…but it’s still good for a laugh!

The ‘Middle Wife’ by an Anonymous 2nd Grade Teacher

I’ve been teaching for about fifteen years and have two kids of my own, but the best birth story I’ve ever heard came from a little girl in my second-grade classroom a few years ago. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell, so I always make time for it in my classroom. It really helps the kids overcome their shyness, and typically, the items they bring are pretty mundane—pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of their catch from fishing trips, that sort of thing. I never impose any restrictions; if they want to bring it and share, they’re welcome.

One day, a bright and outgoing girl named Erica took her turn. She waddled to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater and held up a picture of a baby. “This is Luke, my baby brother,” she began, “and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.”

She explained, “First, Mom and Dad made him out of love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.” I was trying not to laugh and wishing I had a camcorder while the other kids listened in amazement.

Then she went on, “About two Saturdays ago, my Mom started going, ‘Oh, oh, oh, oh!’” Erica mimicked her mom, groaning and waddling around like a duck. “She walked around the house for like an hour, going ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on her car like the Domino’s guy. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.” (She flopped against the wall.)

“Then, pop! My mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!” (At this point, she spread her legs and mimicked water flowing out. It was too funny!)

“Then the middle wife said, ‘Push, push,’ and ‘Breathe, breathe.’ They started counting but never got past ten. Suddenly, out comes my brother! He was covered in yucky stuff that they said was from Mom’s play center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he finally came out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place!”

Finally, Erica stood up, took a big exaggerated bow, and returned to her seat. I’m pretty sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since that day, whenever it’s Show-and-Tell, I bring my camcorder, just in case another “Middle Wife” shows up!

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