We all know how annoying it can be when you’re in the middle of something, and suddenly the phone rings with a telemarketer on the line, trying to sell you stuff you don’t need. It’s frustrating, especially when they’re so pushy and won’t take no for an answer.
One man had enough of these irritating calls and devised a clever way to deal with them.
Tom Mabe: “Hello?”
Telemarketer: “Yes, can I speak with Tom Mabe?”
Tom Mabe: “Who’s calling?”
Telemarketer: “This is Mike. You’ve been selected to receive a complete digital satellite system for free. With this, you’ll—”
Tom Mabe: “Hold on a second. Did you know Tom Mabe? Were you a friend of his?”
Mike: “No, I’m just calling to offer—”
Tom Mabe: “Wait, wait, hold that thought. (to others in the room) Hey, everyone! Get some good pictures of the body and dust everything for prints. Mike, you still there?”
Mike: “Yeah…”
Tom Mabe: “Okay, here’s the deal. You’ve actually called a murder scene… Mr. Mabe is no longer with us. I’m Officer Clarke, and I’m investigating a homicide. I need to ask you a few questions. First, what was your business with Tom Mabe?”
Mike: “I… I had no business with him. I’m sorry to have bothered—”
Tom Mabe: “No, no, hang on. I need you to stay on the line. This call has already been traced, and we may need to follow up with you…”
Mike: “You don’t understand, I’m just calling—”
Tom Mabe: “No, you don’t understand. If you want to avoid being charged with obstruction of justice, it’s crucial that you stay on the line, Mike.”
Mike: “How about you just talk to my supervisor?”
Tom Mabe: “We’ll get to your supervisor in a moment. First, where are you located?”
Mike: “I’m at work.”
Tom Mabe: “You’re at work?”
Mike: “Yes.”
Tom Mabe: “Are you being a smart aleck?”
Mike: “No, sir—”
Tom Mabe: “Let me put it this way, Mike. If I wanted to send you a letter, what address would I need to write on the envelope to make sure it reaches you? Geographically speaking, where is your work?”
Mike: “40 West (beep), Middleton, Colorado.”
Tom Mabe: “Hold on, that’s 40…”
Mike: “Yes, sir.”
Tom Mabe: “Michael, just hold on for a second, okay?”
Mike: “Yes, sir.”
Tom Mabe: “(off phone to police) Get the Middleton Homicide Department on the line. Yeah, give them this info. Tell them there’s been a talk in connection with a fatal shooting and aggravated robbery.” (on phone) “Mike, how did you know Mr. Mabe again?”
Mike: “Wait, you’re calling the Middleton Police Department?! I’m hundreds of miles away! I don’t even know the guy; I’m in Colorado!”
Tom Mabe: “No, no, it’s not that serious, it’s just a formality. Have you ever been to his home?”
Mike: “No!”
Tom Mabe: “Okay, and where were you last night between 8 and 10?”
Mike: “I’m not really comfortable with any of this…”
Tom Mabe: “Have you ever spoken to Mr. Mabe, Mike?”
Mike: “No, I don’t even know the guy—that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”
Tom Mabe: “Alright, great, just relax. I have one last question for you, Mike… as you may know, Mr. Mabe was openly gay. I don’t want to embarrass you, but… were you his gay lover?”
Mike: “What?! No! What kind of question is that?!”
Tom Mabe: “Look, if that’s your thing, that’s fine. I know there are a lot of people in the closet. Not saying I haven’t thought about it myself… you know? Maybe go to Las Vegas, buy a couple of drinks… cut a little Mexican midget…”
Mike: “This is ridiculous!” (hangs up)
Tom Mabe: “Hello?”
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Love and Peace!
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